Arrowhead Dreams and NFC North Schemes

My football fandom operates on a very simple two-tier system.

Tier One: I bleed Kansas City Chiefs red and cheer for Patrick Mahomes like he’s a direct blood relative.

Tier Two: I root, with equal or greater intensity, for whoever is currently lining up against the Minnesota Vikings.

Call it petty, call it a localized grudge, or just call it bad sportsmanship—either way, my heart belongs to Arrowhead, but my soul belongs to whichever 53 men are actively trying to ruin Skol Nation’s Sunday. If the Chiefs win, I get a glorious triumph; if the Vikings lose, I get pure, unadulterated satisfaction. It’s a bulletproof weekend strategy.